Dear Mr. Blackstone,
My name is Lee Yong Xing, currently taking Bachelor of Engineering in Civil Engineering Honours offered by Singapore Institution of Technology (SIT) and the University of Glasgow in year one this year. Before enrolled in SIT, I took an electrical course in Singapore Polytechnic which did not spark joy. I was always fascinated by weirdly constructed structures. Before enrolling in civil engineering, I had a placing in an electrical degree which I had rejected in order to be in my current degree.
I love gambling in the form of mahjong. During my free time, usually after exams or school break, I would meet up with my friends and gamble. Mahjong has been my hobby since polytechnic year three. It was introduced to me by my close friends which gain my interest in mahjong.
My strength for being an outgoing introvert is I do not like to perform meaningless altercation. Even when I am taunted into a verbal fight, due to my behavior, I would still agree to disagree. It seemed as though I am unable to retaliate due to being weak in the eyes of my competitor. However; a wise man once said being happy is to agree with ignorant people, else they will drag me down to their level.
The ability to learn languages has been my weakness, and my interest. During my early polytechnic years, I took up private Korean language classes. The first few levels were manageable; it was until advance level one, which I struggled as the teachers started speaking in full Korean as though they were teaching secondary student taking Korean in their own country. Being from a Chinese speaking family, I did not have practice at home as the best way of learning a language is to converse daily. I believe one day, I will fully utilize what I had learned when I visit South Korea.
What I desired in taking effective communication is to enhance my English standard, as someday I might be speaking to a large group of audiences or big bosses in the future. I may not have good vocabulary or grammar in any languages but most importantly I want my English to be the best language spoken.
Thank you for reading, I look forward to every class with you.
Regards,
Lee Yong Xing
CVE1281
Class group 4C
Edited on 21/1/2019, 1907 hrs
Edited on 21/1/2019, 2024 hrs
Edited on 21/1/2019, 2321 hrs
Edited on 24/1/2019, 0119 hrs
Commented on Daniel, Domenic and Chun Siang 21/1/2019
Dear Yong Xing,
ReplyDeleteIt is great getting to know you better through this blog post. Your approach at addressing your strength and weakness was pretty straight-forward and informative.
However, there are few minor issues where you could improve on your post:
- "Hi my name is Lee Yong Xing", as this is a formal introduction letter you might want to omit the word 'hi'.
- "University of Glasgow in year 1 this year", similar to point one, you could have spelled the word 'one' instead of '1' in a formal writing setting.
- You might want to include a paragraph describing your personal hobby or elaborate more on why you rejected the electrical degree so that we would understand you better.
Cheers,
Domenic
Hey Yong Xing
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed how frank and straight-forward you were about yourself in this post. It's very refreshing compared to the cookie cutter posts you'd tend to see with an assignment like this
Regarding your grammar, I think a lot of the mistakes that I would otherwise point out individually are omissions of words that are required for the sake of proper syntax such as an article or a preposition, or instances where they are used incorrectly. I'll list some examples out below with the missing or corrected words added in denoted by the parentheses.
"I love gambling in (the) form of mahjong."
"(The) first few levels were manageable..."
"Being (from) a Chinese speaking family..."
You get the idea.
Thanks for sharing more about yourself.
Regards
Syed
Dear Yong Xing
ReplyDeleteIt was nice getting to know you through your introduction. However, I observed some minor grammatical errors which you may want to consider changing:
Paragraph 1:
1. “Hi my name is … year.”
(I feel that the word “Hi” is redundant since you already have your salutation above. Also, since this is a formal introduction, I would remove it.)
2. “Before I was enrolled in SIT, I was taking an electrical course in Singapore polytechnic which I did not liked it very much.”
(Before I was enrolled in SIT --> Before I enrolled at SIT, polytechnic --> Polytechnic, liked it --> like)
Paragraph 2:
3. “However a wise man … level.”
(However --> However,)
Paragraph 3:
4. “… family, I did not had much …”
(had --> have)
Paragraph 4:
5. “… to be best language spoken.”
(to be best --> to be the best)
I hope that by the end of this module, we would all achieve our goals.
Regards
Nurul
Dear Yong Xing,
ReplyDeleteIt was nice to know you better based from your self-introduction. Nevertheless, there are still some errors which you might want to consider changing:
Paragraph 1: “which I did not like very much”, this sounds a little bit of informal, whereas I believe you could change it too “which I started to slowly lose interest.”
“Before enrolling in civil engineering,..”, you might want to rephrase the whole sentence structure of why you rejected the electrical degree or what sparks you to join the civil engineering field. That way, it sounds more convincing and form a link to your previous sentence of why you did not like your previous electrical course.
Paragraph 2: “I was introduced to me by my close friends which gain my interest for mahjong.”
(gain -> gained)
(for -> in)
Paragraph 4: “The first few levels…” the sentence structure is rather long. I believe it is better to keep it short and simple.
Paragraph 5: “What I desired…”
(desired -> desired)
(English standard -> English language)
I hope by the end of this semester, everyone learns their mistakes from correcting each other and hopefully achieves their goals.
Warmest regards,
Syahiran
Dear Yong Xing,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing in this rather detailed introduction letter. You do a decent job responding to the requirements of the assignment but not fully. You describe your educational background, your interest in playing mahjong and studying Korean, and then you cover some of your communication strengths and weaknesses (in learning Korean at least). You also address your goals for this module. I don't want to burden you with making grand additions, but some statement about why you chose civil engineering might be appropriate.
Your peers have commented a lot about your language use, and I don't want you to feel overwhelmed. I'd suggest that you take the revision process step by step. It seems like you have a positive attitude, so I expect that to happen.
Best wishes,
Brad